Announcement, I’m going to Google

April 1, 2006 By

I just got off the phone with Larry Page. He's offered me a job to run Google's PR department and I've decided to take him up on it. Why? Because I finally realized that Steve Gillmor is right. Microsoft Office is dead and I wanted to be at the company that is the future of everything.

Larry and Marissa Mayer, who I met at the Google Zeitgeist conference last year, showed me their top secret plans for the future of the software industry and, WOW, are they unbelieveable.

If you loved Google Earth, you'll go crazy when you see what Larry and Sergey have cooked up! Sorry, I've signed an NDA so you'll just have to wait.

Why else did I decide to leave Microsoft? Well, getting 20% of my time back to do whatever I wanted to certainly played a part. Plus, they increased my salary to more than $100,000 and the free food rocks for a fat guy like me!

Anyway, I wanted you to know the news first before anyone else found out.

My first project will be to convert the Scoble Dashboard over to a Linux box.

Also, as part of the deal, I'll be moving to the new Shanghai Google headquarters since Google is moving to China now. My first job as PR guy for the new Chinese-run Google is to ban all uncredible journalists from writing about Google. This might sound a little evil, but it isn't, the world is better off without them. Sergey will announce on Monday that they are redefining evil to mean "whatever Scoble says is evil."

This also means I will add Google ads to all my Web properties and next week I'll switch my Hotmail email address over to a Gmail one. It's going to be a great move for me and my family.

One of my last duties as a Microsoft employee was to upload some videos of Microsoft pranks throughout the years (cool NERD device!).

Oh, one major factor in my decision was Matt Cutts, Google's top blogger. He got me drunk at Danny Sullivan's Search Engine Strategies conference a few weeks ago and got me to leak all of Microsoft's secrets, not to mention he brainwashed me using Steve Ballmer's new brainwashing device (I don't know how he got one of those, but, heck, I guess billionaires can get anything nowadays). Hey, the brainwashing feels good and my allowance went up a few bucks a week.

Matt's pitch to me? "You can work for Bill Gates anytime, but can you work for a company that's gonna make space elevators along with NASA?" Then he showed me the new Google room search prototype and I forgot about all the lame stuff that Bill Gates showed me at lunch last week.

How could I resist a pitch like that?

As part of the deal I'll have to give up my evil and large software company in Second Life. Google will take that over and will replace the blood fountain with a ping-pong table and heat from my lava field will be mined to provide a new source of energy to run its new datacenters.

I'm off to call Steve Ballmer and give him the bad news. I'll ask him to sit down before telling him.

PS: happy ninth blog birthday to Dave Winer's Scripting News.

Update: did you see the Windows Vista news? Maybe I should have stayed at Microsoft!

Update: Oh, one thing that I learned is Google is going to open up Google Video to let you upload as much porn as you want (or, you can charge per viewings of your own video). Of course this video content will be blocked in China.

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  • JD

    I hope everybody enjoyed the short monster movie.

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  • JD

    Post 30 looks like spam.
    Webmarketing espan ull.
    Looking for Pigeon Rank.
    Use English aholes.
    This isn’t Mexico here.

  • JD

    Post 30 looks like spam.
    Webmarketing espan ull.
    Looking for Pigeon Rank.
    Use English aholes.
    This isn’t Mexico here.

  • http://www.hell.com/ jason

    fuck you and all this fucking april fools bullshit its like the fucking world shuts down for a day

  • http://www.hell.com jason

    fuck you and all this fucking april fools bullshit its like the fucking world shuts down for a day

  • Jan Prill

    What I wonder about is: Is there any such story of one of the a-listers or any other famous web-people that one would instantly realise as an aprils fool joke but then comes out that it is NOT? Wouldn’t that be a great marketing gig for the new product, position, whatever? Is there something like this? Would love to here about it…

  • Jan Prill

    What I wonder about is: Is there any such story of one of the a-listers or any other famous web-people that one would instantly realise as an aprils fool joke but then comes out that it is NOT? Wouldn’t that be a great marketing gig for the new product, position, whatever? Is there something like this? Would love to here about it…

  • JD

    Jason,
    Nobody is forcing you to look at this.
    You come here and then bitch about being here.
    You are a moron. No fooling.

  • JD

    Jason,
    Nobody is forcing you to look at this.
    You come here and then bitch about being here.
    You are a moron. No fooling.

  • Count D.

    Whassup Gloria. I’ll suck you dry baby.
    Do you want go down with the Count? I’m no softie, if you know what it is! You know what to do.

    Yours for the sucking,
    C.D.
    Pennsylvania

  • Count D.

    Whassup Gloria. I’ll suck you dry baby.
    Do you want go down with the Count? I’m no softie, if you know what it is! You know what to do.

    Yours for the sucking,
    C.D.
    Pennsylvania

  • http://chris-elliott.com/ Chris Elliott

    If there hadn’t been so much hype about April Fools on everyone’s blogs then it could have been more believable, that combined with too much hyperbole made it too big of a pill to swallow.

  • http://chris-elliott.com Chris Elliott

    If there hadn’t been so much hype about April Fools on everyone’s blogs then it could have been more believable, that combined with too much hyperbole made it too big of a pill to swallow.

  • Diego

    Wasn’t Dave Winer quitting blogging? This farewell tour is going to be longer than the ones by most old rock’n'rollers! ;)

  • Diego

    Wasn’t Dave Winer quitting blogging? This farewell tour is going to be longer than the ones by most old rock’n'rollers! ;)

  • http://dmiessler.com/ Daniel Miessler

    Robert,

    I am sure you are a nice person, and that I’d value knowing you personally, but you are doing yourself a disservice by blogging the way you do. Let me explain how.

    You try and use sarcasm and humor to cover sentiments that are not positive. This post of yours is a perfect example.

    You attempt to come off as open and accepting by using humor and (false?) humility, but in your posts you routinely jab at the competition in an extremely transparent way. You use humor to do so, but that just makes it that more repulsive.

    Your problem is one of definition. Nobody knows where you stand. You attempt to appear open to other products, but when you post to give them props it looks like a textbook example of making a post precisely for the purpose of having something to show others when you’re challenged for being biased. I’d almost bet you have a list of “pro-apple” and “pro-google” permalink addresses that you use for cut and paste responses.

    Again, I don’t think you’re a bad guy. I think you’re smart, have a good sense of humor, and you are loyal to your company.

    But just be that. Please. Don’t pretend to be open and non-competitive and then use humor and sarcasm to take swipes at the competition. It not only makes you look bad personally, but it makes Microsoft look bad as well.

    Your current style reeks of a rigged Microsoft vs. Linux competition where the entire spin is to have it appear to come from a neutral source. See, it wouldn’t be so bad if you (or the bakeoff) dropped all pretense of neutrality. It’d be genuine at that point and people could decide on their own whether the testing conditions (or your comments) were legitimate or not.

    But to pretend one thing while being another is something else altogether. You may not have realized this, but this is the underlying cause of all the recent aggro you’ve been pulling. It’s the deception, not your views.

    Anyway, sorry to be negative here. I think you’re a good blogger and would just like to see you “come out” and drop the “I’m neutral” bit. It’d be refreshing, and I think you’d earn a lot of respect as a result.

    Kindly,

    -Daniel Miessler

  • http://dmiessler.com Daniel Miessler

    Robert,

    I am sure you are a nice person, and that I’d value knowing you personally, but you are doing yourself a disservice by blogging the way you do. Let me explain how.

    You try and use sarcasm and humor to cover sentiments that are not positive. This post of yours is a perfect example.

    You attempt to come off as open and accepting by using humor and (false?) humility, but in your posts you routinely jab at the competition in an extremely transparent way. You use humor to do so, but that just makes it that more repulsive.

    Your problem is one of definition. Nobody knows where you stand. You attempt to appear open to other products, but when you post to give them props it looks like a textbook example of making a post precisely for the purpose of having something to show others when you’re challenged for being biased. I’d almost bet you have a list of “pro-apple” and “pro-google” permalink addresses that you use for cut and paste responses.

    Again, I don’t think you’re a bad guy. I think you’re smart, have a good sense of humor, and you are loyal to your company.

    But just be that. Please. Don’t pretend to be open and non-competitive and then use humor and sarcasm to take swipes at the competition. It not only makes you look bad personally, but it makes Microsoft look bad as well.

    Your current style reeks of a rigged Microsoft vs. Linux competition where the entire spin is to have it appear to come from a neutral source. See, it wouldn’t be so bad if you (or the bakeoff) dropped all pretense of neutrality. It’d be genuine at that point and people could decide on their own whether the testing conditions (or your comments) were legitimate or not.

    But to pretend one thing while being another is something else altogether. You may not have realized this, but this is the underlying cause of all the recent aggro you’ve been pulling. It’s the deception, not your views.

    Anyway, sorry to be negative here. I think you’re a good blogger and would just like to see you “come out” and drop the “I’m neutral” bit. It’d be refreshing, and I think you’d earn a lot of respect as a result.

    Kindly,

    -Daniel Miessler

  • Diego
  • Diego
  • JD

    “This farewell tour is going to be longer than the ones by most old rock’n’rollers!” It might be like Ground Hog Day meets April Fools Day.

    I keep changing my mind, I’m going to blog, I’m not, I am….I can’t decide. Watch this space for more information as I try to get you to talk me out of blogging. Oops, I mean not blogging.

    I’m trying to sell my geek blog tool to Google for millions, so you know who is pinging and what is being pinged. I have all your money and wasted all your time you suckers and I just got a ping pong table so I have less time for blogging. Do you play ping pong? I am launching a new pong service and it should have a blog called Pong Blog News.

  • JD

    “This farewell tour is going to be longer than the ones by most old rock’n’rollers!” It might be like Ground Hog Day meets April Fools Day.

    I keep changing my mind, I’m going to blog, I’m not, I am….I can’t decide. Watch this space for more information as I try to get you to talk me out of blogging. Oops, I mean not blogging.

    I’m trying to sell my geek blog tool to Google for millions, so you know who is pinging and what is being pinged. I have all your money and wasted all your time you suckers and I just got a ping pong table so I have less time for blogging. Do you play ping pong? I am launching a new pong service and it should have a blog called Pong Blog News.

  • JD

    Google China could buy Pong Blog News [for flat world] from me for billions of dollars. Then I can have tea with the queen and crackers with important people.
    I will set the ping server to pong serve you Scobleizer.

  • JD

    Google China could buy Pong Blog News [for flat world] from me for billions of dollars. Then I can have tea with the queen and crackers with important people.
    I will set the ping server to pong serve you Scobleizer.

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  • Pong Blog News

    Breaking News
    PBN–New China
    Winer to open diner with Google VC.
    Suddenly, life was more than french fries, gravy and girls. Serving billions and billions at McWiners Diners.

  • http://mike.brisgeek.com/ MikeFitz

    Mr Scoble, For about 3 paragraphs, you really had my heart in my mouth.

    I was reading this post through NewsGator so I didn’t see the “April Fools” tag. Plus, it is 10:35pm here in Australia and April Fools jokes were over hours ago. Great post. Loved the cool NERD device too.

  • Pong Blog News

    Breaking News
    PBN–New China
    Winer to open diner with Google VC.
    Suddenly, life was more than french fries, gravy and girls. Serving billions and billions at McWiners Diners.

  • http://mike.brisgeek.com MikeFitz

    Mr Scoble, For about 3 paragraphs, you really had my heart in my mouth.

    I was reading this post through NewsGator so I didn’t see the “April Fools” tag. Plus, it is 10:35pm here in Australia and April Fools jokes were over hours ago. Great post. Loved the cool NERD device too.

  • http://www.sitcomsonline.com/photos/c-morkandmindy.jpg Pong Blog News

    Pong to Scoblizer, pong to Scoblizer, come in Scobilizer. [Exidor is trying to get Winers memory back] All right, Scoblizer, put your hands in front of your face, and repeat after me. “Oh, no, please don’t.”

  • http://www.sitcomsonline.com/photos/c-morkandmindy.jpg Pong Blog News

    Pong to Scoblizer, pong to Scoblizer, come in Scobilizer. [Exidor is trying to get Winers memory back] All right, Scoblizer, put your hands in front of your face, and repeat after me. “Oh, no, please don’t.”

  • http://www.collaboratemarketing.com/ James Cherkoff

    What – so I was the ONLY one who was totally fooled?

  • http://www.collaboratemarketing.com James Cherkoff

    What – so I was the ONLY one who was totally fooled?

  • http://www.grumblingtummy.com/ John A Thomson

    I see Google are following Yahoo into the dating game:
    http://www.google.com/romance/

    Regards

    John

  • http://www.grumblingtummy.com John A Thomson

    I see Google are following Yahoo into the dating game:
    http://www.google.com/romance/

    Regards

    John

  • http://www.paramountcomedy.com/whatson/?c=2&date=18-03-2006 Jean DaVinci

    There is no row at position 0.

    Jean DaVinci Code Bitch

  • http://www.paramountcomedy.com/whatson/?c=2&date=18-03-2006 Jean DaVinci

    There is no row at position 0.

    Jean DaVinci Code Bitch

  • JD

    Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream.
    Watch out for position 0 friends.
    Microsoft .NET Framework Version:2.0.50727.42; ASP.NET Version:2.0.50727.42

    You guys might want to fix that. No joking!

  • JD

    Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream.
    Watch out for position 0 friends.
    Microsoft .NET Framework Version:2.0.50727.42; ASP.NET Version:2.0.50727.42

    You guys might want to fix that. No joking!

  • JD

    THIS IS WEIRD STUFF. From the people that brought you e-voting Advantage.

    [IndexOutOfRangeException: There is no row at position 0.]
    Microsoft.VisualBasic.CompilerServices.Container.InvokeMethod(Method TargetProcedure, Object[] Arguments, Boolean[] CopyBack, BindingFlags Flags) +272
    Microsoft.VisualBasic.CompilerServices.NewLateBinding.CallMethod(Container BaseReference, String MethodName, Object[] Arguments, String[] ArgumentNames, Type[] TypeArguments, Boolean[] CopyBack, BindingFlags InvocationFlags, Boolean ReportErrors, ResolutionFailure& Failure) +196
    Microsoft.VisualBasic.CompilerServices.NewLateBinding.InternalLateIndexGet(Object Instance, Object[] Arguments, String[] ArgumentNames, Boolean ReportErrors, ResolutionFailure& Failure) +197
    Microsoft.VisualBasic.CompilerServices.NewLateBinding.LateGet(Object Instance, Type Type, String MemberName, Object[] Arguments, String[] ArgumentNames, Type[] TypeArguments, Boolean[] CopyBack) +534
    ASP.includes_watch_this_ascx.Page_Load() in E:Inetpubwwwrootv2includeswatch_this.ascx:27
    System.Web.Util.CalliHelper.ArglessFunctionCaller(IntPtr fp, Object o) +5
    System.Web.Util.CalliEventHandlerDelegateProxy.Callback(Object sender, EventArgs e) +781903
    System.Web.UI.Control.OnLoad(EventArgs e) +99
    System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +47
    System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +131
    System.Web.UI.Page.ProcessRequestMain(Boolean includeStagesBeforeAsyncPoint, Boolean includeStagesAfterAsyncPoint) +1061

  • JD

    THIS IS WEIRD STUFF. From the people that brought you e-voting Advantage.

    [IndexOutOfRangeException: There is no row at position 0.]
    Microsoft.VisualBasic.CompilerServices.Container.InvokeMethod(Method TargetProcedure, Object[] Arguments, Boolean[] CopyBack, BindingFlags Flags) +272
    Microsoft.VisualBasic.CompilerServices.NewLateBinding.CallMethod(Container BaseReference, String MethodName, Object[] Arguments, String[] ArgumentNames, Type[] TypeArguments, Boolean[] CopyBack, BindingFlags InvocationFlags, Boolean ReportErrors, ResolutionFailure& Failure) +196
    Microsoft.VisualBasic.CompilerServices.NewLateBinding.InternalLateIndexGet(Object Instance, Object[] Arguments, String[] ArgumentNames, Boolean ReportErrors, ResolutionFailure& Failure) +197
    Microsoft.VisualBasic.CompilerServices.NewLateBinding.LateGet(Object Instance, Type Type, String MemberName, Object[] Arguments, String[] ArgumentNames, Type[] TypeArguments, Boolean[] CopyBack) +534
    ASP.includes_watch_this_ascx.Page_Load() in E:\Inetpub\wwwroot\v2\includes\watch_this.ascx:27
    System.Web.Util.CalliHelper.ArglessFunctionCaller(IntPtr fp, Object o) +5
    System.Web.Util.CalliEventHandlerDelegateProxy.Callback(Object sender, EventArgs e) +781903
    System.Web.UI.Control.OnLoad(EventArgs e) +99
    System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +47
    System.Web.UI.Control.LoadRecursive() +131
    System.Web.UI.Page.ProcessRequestMain(Boolean includeStagesBeforeAsyncPoint, Boolean includeStagesAfterAsyncPoint) +1061

  • JD

    ArglessFunctionCaller
    Say what?
    CalliEventHandlerDelegateProxy.
    That’s what I always said!
    If you need a politician, don’t call a plumber.

  • JD

    ArglessFunctionCaller
    Say what?
    CalliEventHandlerDelegateProxy.
    That’s what I always said!
    If you need a politician, don’t call a plumber.

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  • JDI

    Call the freaking FBI, we got us a OnLoad(EventArgs e) +99. I cracked a beer!

  • JDI

    Call the freaking FBI, we got us a OnLoad(EventArgs e) +99. I cracked a beer!

  • JDI

    NewLateBinding

    We can put you in an new early binding and bump you up to first class.

  • JDI

    NewLateBinding

    We can put you in an new early binding and bump you up to first class.

  • http://eyeyaroen.blogs.friendster.com/ A. J. Santiago

    Happy April Fools Robert! And oh yeah… I just received this from an offline message in Yahoo! Messenger…

    http://distrowatch.com/dwres.php?resource=review-winvista

    It’s supposed to be a “review” of Windows Vista… but I think you know what’s written there. Nothing too offensive though, since it wounded up sounding like a cartoon. ^^

  • http://eyeyaroen.blogs.friendster.com A. J. Santiago

    Happy April Fools Robert! And oh yeah… I just received this from an offline message in Yahoo! Messenger…

    http://distrowatch.com/dwres.php?resource=review-winvista

    It’s supposed to be a “review” of Windows Vista… but I think you know what’s written there. Nothing too offensive though, since it wounded up sounding like a cartoon. ^^

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