Announcement, I’m going to Google

April 1, 2006 By

I just got off the phone with Larry Page. He's offered me a job to run Google's PR department and I've decided to take him up on it. Why? Because I finally realized that Steve Gillmor is right. Microsoft Office is dead and I wanted to be at the company that is the future of everything.

Larry and Marissa Mayer, who I met at the Google Zeitgeist conference last year, showed me their top secret plans for the future of the software industry and, WOW, are they unbelieveable.

If you loved Google Earth, you'll go crazy when you see what Larry and Sergey have cooked up! Sorry, I've signed an NDA so you'll just have to wait.

Why else did I decide to leave Microsoft? Well, getting 20% of my time back to do whatever I wanted to certainly played a part. Plus, they increased my salary to more than $100,000 and the free food rocks for a fat guy like me!

Anyway, I wanted you to know the news first before anyone else found out.

My first project will be to convert the Scoble Dashboard over to a Linux box.

Also, as part of the deal, I'll be moving to the new Shanghai Google headquarters since Google is moving to China now. My first job as PR guy for the new Chinese-run Google is to ban all uncredible journalists from writing about Google. This might sound a little evil, but it isn't, the world is better off without them. Sergey will announce on Monday that they are redefining evil to mean "whatever Scoble says is evil."

This also means I will add Google ads to all my Web properties and next week I'll switch my Hotmail email address over to a Gmail one. It's going to be a great move for me and my family.

One of my last duties as a Microsoft employee was to upload some videos of Microsoft pranks throughout the years (cool NERD device!).

Oh, one major factor in my decision was Matt Cutts, Google's top blogger. He got me drunk at Danny Sullivan's Search Engine Strategies conference a few weeks ago and got me to leak all of Microsoft's secrets, not to mention he brainwashed me using Steve Ballmer's new brainwashing device (I don't know how he got one of those, but, heck, I guess billionaires can get anything nowadays). Hey, the brainwashing feels good and my allowance went up a few bucks a week.

Matt's pitch to me? "You can work for Bill Gates anytime, but can you work for a company that's gonna make space elevators along with NASA?" Then he showed me the new Google room search prototype and I forgot about all the lame stuff that Bill Gates showed me at lunch last week.

How could I resist a pitch like that?

As part of the deal I'll have to give up my evil and large software company in Second Life. Google will take that over and will replace the blood fountain with a ping-pong table and heat from my lava field will be mined to provide a new source of energy to run its new datacenters.

I'm off to call Steve Ballmer and give him the bad news. I'll ask him to sit down before telling him.

PS: happy ninth blog birthday to Dave Winer's Scripting News.

Update: did you see the Windows Vista news? Maybe I should have stayed at Microsoft!

Update: Oh, one thing that I learned is Google is going to open up Google Video to let you upload as much porn as you want (or, you can charge per viewings of your own video). Of course this video content will be blocked in China.

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  • JDI

    Here is why I believe Scoble is leaving Microsoft.
    E:Inetpubwwwrootv2includeswatch_this.ascx:27
    The guy must of gotten really pissed. I know I would of.

  • JDI

    Here is why I believe Scoble is leaving Microsoft.
    E:\Inetpub\wwwroot\v2\includes\watch_this.ascx:27
    The guy must of gotten really pissed. I know I would of.

  • JDI

    Windows Hasta La Vista 2.0 for Babies.
    Works with Crapster for Windows Media.
    Now on sale at G-Mart and Bills Clubs worldwide.

  • JDI

    Windows Hasta La Vista 2.0 for Babies.
    Works with Crapster for Windows Media.
    Now on sale at G-Mart and Bills Clubs worldwide.

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  • http://weblogs.asp.net/bsimser Bil Simser

    Great stuff Robert, I knew they were smart people over there. Plus with Google buying OpenOffice you’ll have that office suite you always wanted. Not only that I saw a press release about Windows SharePoint Services going open source with the release of Office 2007 so porting your dashboard will be no problem:
    http://weblogs.asp.net/bsimser/archive/2006/04/01/441626.aspx

  • http://weblogs.asp.net/bsimser Bil Simser

    Great stuff Robert, I knew they were smart people over there. Plus with Google buying OpenOffice you’ll have that office suite you always wanted. Not only that I saw a press release about Windows SharePoint Services going open source with the release of Office 2007 so porting your dashboard will be no problem:
    http://weblogs.asp.net/bsimser/archive/2006/04/01/441626.aspx

  • Jake

    Finally

  • Jake

    Finally

  • J. Random Poster

    Damn! The market’s closed. Google will probably drop 5% on this rumor, even though it is an april fool’s gag.

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  • J. Random Poster

    Damn! The market’s closed. Google will probably drop 5% on this rumor, even though it is an april fool’s gag.

  • Jon

    You’re not smart enough to work at Google.

  • Jon

    You’re not smart enough to work at Google.

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  • Beranrd Odjidja

    HA

  • http://polizeros.com/ Bob Morris

    Perhaps this ties in with White House plans to simultaneously win the war and solve the immigration problem.

    http://polizeros.com/2006/04/01/operation-two-birds/

    Hey, here’s an idea you cam implement now Scoble. Implant RFIDs chips in everyone, then track them using Google Maps.

  • Beranrd Odjidja

    HA

  • http://bobmorris.wordpress.com/ bobmorris

    Perhaps this ties in with White House plans to simultaneously win the war and solve the immigration problem.

    http://polizeros.com/2006/04/01/operation-two-birds/

    Hey, here’s an idea you cam implement now Scoble. Implant RFIDs chips in everyone, then track them using Google Maps.

  • http://chronotron.wordpress.com/ Chrono Cr@cker

    DUH!! Happy Googling then..

    Btw, it’s too obvious.

  • http://chronotron.wordpress.com/ Chrono Cr@cker

    DUH!! Happy Googling then..

    Btw, it’s too obvious.

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  • http://farlane.wordpress.com/ farlane

    Wow! Congratulations.

    Hey, I’ve been having trouble getting this vital news out. I think that my tinfoil hat is blocking the Google spider, but I can’t take it off for obvious reasons. Anyway, could you check on that for me?

  • http://farlane.wordpress.com/ farlane

    Wow! Congratulations.

    Hey, I’ve been having trouble getting this vital news out. I think that my tinfoil hat is blocking the Google spider, but I can’t take it off for obvious reasons. Anyway, could you check on that for me?

  • Martin

    Why?

  • Martin

    Why?

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  • http://forevervoyaging.blogspot.com Mike Drips

    Obviously you have no limits left in your life for boosting up your site hit counts.

    In other April Fools Day news, I found my PC mouse no longer worked this morning. I rebooted the PC. Nope. Still not working. Dusted off and reset all the USB cables. Nope. Still not working.

    Turned the mouse over to look at the bottom. Covering the LED was a small bit of Post-It note with the words “April Fool!” written on it in what appeared to be my wife’s handwriting.

    Then again it might have been Scoble’s handwriting.

    Hmm…

  • http://forevervoyaging.blogspot.com/ Mike Drips

    Obviously you have no limits left in your life for boosting up your site hit counts.

    In other April Fools Day news, I found my PC mouse no longer worked this morning. I rebooted the PC. Nope. Still not working. Dusted off and reset all the USB cables. Nope. Still not working.

    Turned the mouse over to look at the bottom. Covering the LED was a small bit of Post-It note with the words “April Fool!” written on it in what appeared to be my wife’s handwriting.

    Then again it might have been Scoble’s handwriting.

    Hmm…

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  • http://saulweiner.wordpress.com/ Saul Weiner

    :-) April 1 is always fun…

  • http://saulweiner.wordpress.com/ Saul Weiner

    :-) April 1 is always fun…

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  • http://headlemur.wordpress.com/ the head lemur

    Robert,
    Congratualations on your Move. I have been named your replacement.
    http://theheadlemur.typepad.com/ravinglunacy/2006/04/the_head_lemur_.html

    Please leave the phone on the desk when you leave.
    thank you,
    the head lemur
    xoxoxoxoxo

  • http://headlemur.wordpress.com/ the head lemur

    Robert,
    Congratualations on your Move. I have been named your replacement.
    http://theheadlemur.typepad.com/ravinglunacy/2006/04/the_head_lemur_.html

    Please leave the phone on the desk when you leave.
    thank you,
    the head lemur
    xoxoxoxoxo

  • http://www.businessinnovations.blogspot.com/ N. Venkat Venkatraman

    happy April 1…. Nice try… Did you try Google Romance..:-) Just kidding..

  • http://www.businessinnovations.blogspot.com N. Venkat Venkatraman

    happy April 1…. Nice try… Did you try Google Romance..:-) Just kidding..

  • http://www.microsoft.com/ Bill Gates

    Robert,

    Please don’t forget the non-disclosure agreement you signed when you joined Microsoft. Our corporate legal department will be performing your exit interview so don’t forget to stop by Building 14 before you leave. Please remember to turn in your employee badge and parking pass. We have already canceled your Hotmail account, XBox Live account and your unlimited spending privileges at the Microsoft Store. One more thing before you go. Steve has a chair with your name on it he would like to “present” to you. Oh yeah, please leave the Channel 9 guy on in your cubicle as he will be replacing you on the team.

    Best regards,

    Bill

  • http://www.microsoft.com Bill Gates

    Robert,

    Please don’t forget the non-disclosure agreement you signed when you joined Microsoft. Our corporate legal department will be performing your exit interview so don’t forget to stop by Building 14 before you leave. Please remember to turn in your employee badge and parking pass. We have already canceled your Hotmail account, XBox Live account and your unlimited spending privileges at the Microsoft Store. One more thing before you go. Steve has a chair with your name on it he would like to “present” to you. Oh yeah, please leave the Channel 9 guy on in your cubicle as he will be replacing you on the team.

    Best regards,

    Bill

  • http://susanmernit.blogspot.com/ susan mernit

    Good one! Maybe you should run Google’s new romance product.

  • http://susanmernit.blogspot.com susan mernit

    Good one! Maybe you should run Google’s new romance product.

  • Harsh C

    You bad little insignificant turd of a geek.

    As someone already said, the move to Google was the most obvious April Fool’s drivel you could have come up with. You could have been more imaginative, but why bother I guess, its April Fool’s, its happy time, everyone will get up at 5:00 AM to see what new fun-fun thing “The scobelizer” has in store for them. Everyday, I feel you are getting close to being the Bill O’ Reilly of technology.

    And please stop calling yourself “Scobeilizer” or did you just want to reinforce your image as “Microsoft’s geek blogger”. Aw come on, you call yourself a geek when you sit on your ass all day drumming up the FOX news of tech while real geeks up in Redmond are writing sw. Come on man, the whole look at me, I’m a geek thing is old now.

  • Harsh C

    You bad little insignificant turd of a geek.

    As someone already said, the move to Google was the most obvious April Fool’s drivel you could have come up with. You could have been more imaginative, but why bother I guess, its April Fool’s, its happy time, everyone will get up at 5:00 AM to see what new fun-fun thing “The scobelizer” has in store for them. Everyday, I feel you are getting close to being the Bill O’ Reilly of technology.

    And please stop calling yourself “Scobeilizer” or did you just want to reinforce your image as “Microsoft’s geek blogger”. Aw come on, you call yourself a geek when you sit on your ass all day drumming up the FOX news of tech while real geeks up in Redmond are writing sw. Come on man, the whole look at me, I’m a geek thing is old now.

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  • JDI

    Tranquility Base to Scoble.
    We have a little problem here Scoble.
    The NewLateBinding.net probe reports a failure to communicate. You’re on your own for now. Good luck Scoble. You keep rockin there baby and we’ll keep rolling at TB. It will all work out because it has to.
    We need to cancel your passport. Use System 14 for navigational purposes and avoid the rocks.
    Tranquility Base out Scoble.

  • http://nakedconversations.com/ shel israel

    The only problem you may face is they just hired Wermer to be your boss. Please bring a spreadsheet with your projected returns on Google’s investment on you to the office on Monday morning.

  • JDI

    Tranquility Base to Scoble.
    We have a little problem here Scoble.
    The NewLateBinding.net probe reports a failure to communicate. You’re on your own for now. Good luck Scoble. You keep rockin there baby and we’ll keep rolling at TB. It will all work out because it has to.
    We need to cancel your passport. Use System 14 for navigational purposes and avoid the rocks.
    Tranquility Base out Scoble.

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