Bad news gets worse
Today sucked.
Today the doctors sat us down and gave us the news my brothers and I had a sense was coming, but weren't prepared to really hear.
The stroke was catastrophic. They weren't able to save her brain. She is, for the most part, gone. About the only processing that's going on is that she's able to see us out of one eye, barely recognize that someone she knows is in the room, and squeeze our hand.
I'm reserving my real emotions. But, let's just say that this is about the suckiest thing I could imagine. Turns out she'll be lucky to live out the week. She signed a do not rescuscitate order and told all of her friends and family to let her go if she was going to be in such a state. Thankfully that took most of the hard decisions out of our hands. But it still was tough not overriding her wishes.
If there's some good that might come out of this, please sit down and communicate with your family about what you'd like to have happen in a similar situation. Do not leave these kinds of decisions to your next of kin.
Anyway, now I gotta stop crying, pull myself together, and fly relatives in from around the world. (Her sister is reading my blog, hello Tante!) There are many family and friends who can't make it here. We really appreciate your kind thoughts and prayers and we're reading these to my mom, she tugs on my hand when we're there, so the notes are comforting. If you need to talk with me, I'm on cell phone at 425-205-1921.
How do you say goodbye? One hand squeeze at a time.
Damn, this sucks.
May 10th, 2006 at 4:53 pm
Tough news indeed. I feel for you. It’s never easy watching someone you love go through something like this.
You are so right about the need for living wills and similar statements about how one wants medical treatment handled. My wife and I had to make decisions about how to proceed for her grandmother and it was agony. Having a living will for my mother in law made things easier for us when we was going through her final days in March. Everyone should think about a living will because you never know what can happen and you don’t want those decisions to weigh heavy on your loved ones.
May 10th, 2006 at 4:55 pm
http://channel9.msdn.com/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=191796#191796
May 10th, 2006 at 4:57 pm
There’s no good way to go through this. Sit with her, be with her, tell her you love her, tell her funny stories.
“You’re born alone, and you die alone. What makes life worthwhile are the friends and family you find along the way, and having someone to hold your hand at the end.”
Yul Brynner, (paraphrased)
May 10th, 2006 at 4:58 pm
I experienced the same thing with my mother back in 2000. She had a stroke and was going to need some rehab but otherwise would have had an almost normal life. While in the hospital she had another stroke which was as you write, catastrophic.
My Mom had a living will so my Dad sat down with us and we discussed her wishes. All life support was removed and there was a do not resuscitate order. She was transfered to a hospice and lived for 40 days. My brother, sister, and I stayed with her in the evenings and my Dad stayed with her during the day.
It was tough watching my Dad clinging to hope of a miracle. When she passed we were all at her side. She waited for my Dad to make the 30 minute drive to the hospital then passed in his arms.
I tear up now still talking to you about her passing. All I can say is don’t shut down your feelings. Feel it all. Be there.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:06 pm
Robert, I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. I wanted you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts. Take care of each other.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:07 pm
It’s easy to let your sadness and grief overwhelm you right now; all I can offer from my experience is that you must remember to remember - who she was last week, last year, those special moments from 5, 10, 15 years ago, from your childhood.
Death is the end of a person’s life here (No, I don’t want to get into a conversation about what happens next), but it is not their whole life. Just remember to celebrate and commemorate her whole life.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:11 pm
I’ve few regrets in my life (although I’ve had some collosal screw-ups), but the one I regret most is telling my dying grandmother to “be strong”. Screw that, what I should have said is “when it’s your time, let go, and don’t let the rest of us make you feel guilty for succumbing to the inevitable”.
To hell with Dylan Thomas, go gentle into that good night.
However you struggle through the decisions that only you can make, be present, don’t fight the things you cannot change, and remember to let yourself cry.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:14 pm
Robert,
Really sorry to hear about the news. I lost my mom almost 2 years ago. It was tough loosing my last parent.
Take care of yourself and your family. I know it will be tough to hear but your mom probably would want you focus on life (wife, children, siblings, etc.) rather than focus on death. If or when she does pass, clebrate her life and what she gave you and you sibs.
An new friend and respectful admirer, russ…
May 10th, 2006 at 5:19 pm
Sorry to hear that Robert. Times like these are always tough. Our family has been through this a lot lately as our relatives are getting older. It really helps to simply let the emotions go.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:21 pm
Robert,
I’ve always read your blog even though I dont subscribe to all your viewpoints. I gotta say that it takes a lot of courage to blog about something as personal as this.
I’m really sorry to hear about these tough times for you. However, KEEP THE FAITH and I’ll surely keep you and your family in my prayers.
Mario
May 10th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
Tough indeed. I lost my father eight years ago, and I only got to speak to him over the phone as I was on my way to see him — he was gone by the time I arrived. If you weren’t close to your mother before, perhaps now is your chance to fix that. Cherish the moments.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
Robert, I am praying for you and yours right now. Nothing we say could ever help in any way in times like these, so I won’t even try. I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and I will say a prayer for you before heading to sleep tonight.
Best,
Jeremy Botter
May 10th, 2006 at 5:28 pm
Oh Crud.
I’m so sorry to hear this, I was really hoping it wouldn’t be that bad.
There’s nothing I can say that will help with the pain you’re going through right now, all I can say is that my prayers are with you and your family.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:29 pm
She will always be part of you….
May 10th, 2006 at 5:30 pm
Hey Robert
I can’t imagine how you must feel. Only that it really sucks.
My thoughts are with you, and your family.
Cheers
Des
May 10th, 2006 at 5:32 pm
Donna went through this with her grandma. She had been talking to her about family history earlier in the evening, and after the stroke, Donna spent the rest of the year building on the framework that they had laid that night.
She was the only one in the family who was able to stay with her to the end after they turned off life support. She’s glad she did.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:32 pm
All the best to you and your family. It is a very very hard thing. Right now my father lies in a hospital with CHF. His future, very uncertain. I know what you’re going through.
On a tech note, my daughter (7) is very interested in all the equipment around when we visit him. She is always asking “what does that do?” Then I realized, these are all specialized computers (even the bed has an lcd) doing their particular tasks. The room TV’s even have Internet access and email. Yikes!
May 10th, 2006 at 5:33 pm
Robert, you have my thoughts and prayers. I can not put into words what I feel (I lost someone very close to me quite recently), but just know that there are a lot of us out here thinking of you.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:36 pm
If I had anything useful to offer, I’d give you a call, but since I haven’t lost a parent, I’ll sit this out and let the experienced people help.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:38 pm
Death and taxes. You’re living a time we all dread, and all will have to live through. It’s inspirational to see the strength with which you’re enduring this.
I don’t know you from a bar of soap, but that “One hand squeeze at a time” line put a huge lump in my throat. Good luck.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:42 pm
Robert, I’d be lying if I said I can imagine how you feel. I can’t and therefore I’ll just pray for your Mother, you and your family, that God may bring all of you piece.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:43 pm
Sorry, correction on the above comment: Donna, her sister, and one of their aunts stayed.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:46 pm
Scoble, my friend, my thoughts are with you and your family.
May 10th, 2006 at 5:53 pm
Robert,
My prayers are with you and your family. As many folks ahve pointed out above, it takes great courage to talk about this here.
All my hopes!
May 10th, 2006 at 5:54 pm
Man, Robert. I’m sending lotsa love and good vibes your way. I’m so sorry to hear this. Moms are so special.
xo
May 10th, 2006 at 5:55 pm
“How do you say goodbye? One hand squeeze at a time.”
Sometimes the simplest acts convey the deepest emotions. The message will get through. Take care. We’re with you.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:03 pm
[...] Jeese, this week really isn’t going well. First I lose a close … family member (she was considered part of the family, even though she wasn’t really human), and now Scoble has all but lost his mother. [...]
May 10th, 2006 at 6:05 pm
I’m sorry for your news Robert. My thoughts are with you and your whole family at this time. May your many happy memories of her live sustain you through this difficult time.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:08 pm
Robert,
I am so sorry. You all will certainly be in our prayers. Please don’t hesitate if I can do anything or even if you need someone to talk to.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:17 pm
Stay strong Robert. I can’t imagine what you guys must be going through. My thoughts are with your family.
_ryan
May 10th, 2006 at 6:27 pm
I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m almost crying myself as I type this. Words are not enough, so I’ll just say that you and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:28 pm
Robert,
Keep your head up… My thoughts will be with you and your family.
-Jake
May 10th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
Robert,
I do not know your mother, she must be a fine woman, you can tell by the way she raised such a fine son. As the minutes past into the unknown future, may each moment be as precious as you and your family can make it.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:31 pm
Robert,
So sorry to hear of the latest news about your mom. It is hard to lose someone no matter how. My Dad died of a massive heart attack 10 years ago so I know what you are going thru. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family during this difficult time.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:34 pm
Chin up, Scobles young and old. Celebrate her life. I went through the same thing with my grandmother last year, to whom I was very close. She wouldn’t want me to be sad on her account, and I’m sure the same applies to you. Laugh about the good times.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:42 pm
Robert,
Words fail prayers never do. You are in our thoughts and prayers as is your family.
A reader.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:42 pm
Robert,
Tonight I asked my mother to read her favorite excerpt from a book I bought her last Mother’s Day. We hope it makes your Mom smile, at least inside.
“Everybody knows that a good Mother gives her children a feeling of trust and stability. She is their Earth. She is the one they can count on for the things that matter most of all. She is their food and their bed and the extra blanket when it grows cold in the night; she is their warmth and their health and their shelter; she is the one they want to be near when they cry. She is the only person in the whole world in a whole lifetime who can be these things to her children. There is no substitute for her. Somehow even her clothes feel different to her children’s hand than anybody else’s clothes. Only to touch her skirt or her sleeve makes a troubled child feel better.”
-Katherine Butler Hathaway, American Writer
May 10th, 2006 at 6:43 pm
My prayers for you and your family. May you get through this horrible time in as smooth a fashion as possible.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:47 pm
My thoughts are with you and your family.
May 10th, 2006 at 6:59 pm
Robert,
I’ve simply no words of wisdom to offer, though I often enjoy reading yours. Your family is in our prayers.
-Rick
May 10th, 2006 at 7:05 pm
i wish you the best o famous one!!! anthonymontoya.wordpress.com
May 10th, 2006 at 7:07 pm
Our prayers are with you and your family. May God’s peace be with you and your family.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:11 pm
Hang in there Robert. You and your mom will be in our prayers as well. I am terribly sorry. Stay strong.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Robert,
you have my sympathy. Just remember that there is hope at the end of every life. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Robert, I wish you and your family well, the comfort of friends and family, and strength and peace that comes from Places Unknown while you all walk with your Mom through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. One breath at a time, one minute at a time, one handsqueeze at a time.
A friend of my mother’s died from a stroke, and I loaned my friend a bunch of celtic music CDs (her Mom was Irish & so liked Celtic, which I have lots of). It was a great comfort to my friend, and she believes that the music made a difference — for the positive– in the last days of her Mom’s life. If it seems right to you, consider playing music for your Mom as a way to be with her and communicate in a way where words are no longer useful.
Love and peace,
Susan
May 10th, 2006 at 7:20 pm
Robert and Alex I’m so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:22 pm
Your mom will be in my prayers tonight.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:27 pm
Try to keep your head, and spirits up.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
Robert,
My thoughts and prayers are with your mom, your family, and you. I’m very sorry to hear your news. I hope your memories and the love of your family and friends provides some comfort to you.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
Robert,
Spend whatever time you can with her and make that contact with her. Say the things you need to say to her - she will understand them.
May God’s grace and light shine upon you and your family as you go through this difficult time.
Rich
May 10th, 2006 at 7:31 pm
Im so sorry Robert. I lost my grandfather that way and its just a screwed up situation to be in. My thoughts are with you my friend.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:33 pm
Robert
this is exactly what happened with my Dad. Its extremely tough and hard to go through. My dad never woke up from the stroke. One minute he was there, the next minute gone forever.
My thoughts are with you and with your Mom.
Jacob
May 10th, 2006 at 7:36 pm
Hey Scob,
You and Yours are in my prayers.
Scott
May 10th, 2006 at 7:36 pm
Robert - Tonight I asked my mother to read her favorite excerpt from a book I gave to her last Mother’s Day - for you, your family and your Mom. We hope it makes her smile, at least on the inside:
“Everybody knows that a good Mother gives her children a feeling of trust and stability. She is their Earth. She is the one they can count on for the things that matter most of all. She is their food and their bed and the extra blanket when it grows cold in the night; she is their warmth and their health and their shelter; she is the one they want to be near when they cry. She is the only person in the whole world in a whole lifetime who can be these things to her children. There is no substitute for her. Somehow even her clothes feel different to her children’s hand than anybody else’s clothes. Only to touch her skirt or her sleeve makes a troubled child feel better.”
Katherine Butler Hathaway, 1890-1942 American Writer
May 10th, 2006 at 7:37 pm
Robert, you, your mother, brother, and all of your family are in the Clendenen’s prayers and thoughts.
Warmest Regards in this very difficult time,
Anthony
May 10th, 2006 at 7:41 pm
Robert,
My thoughts and prayers are with you in this gravest of times. Remember the footprints in the sand. It is when times are the toughest that the Lord will carry you on his shoulders.
For all the bickering that happens on this blog, you must see that when it comes to things that matter, everyone is behind you. Seeing the number of people that left their messages on this blog shows you the number of lives you have touched. Your mother will be very proud of you.
I will pray for the good Lord to give you the strength to bear this burden.
Hash
May 10th, 2006 at 7:42 pm
My family’s heart and prayers are with you and yours.
Remember the good times, they will be with your forever.
Sean
May 10th, 2006 at 7:46 pm
Robert, try and remember that we are born, to live, to die.. It is hard on the family when someone passes away or even worse, such as it is in your case, has a stroke or heart attack that makes the ending a forgone conclusion. It is easier on the if it happens very quickly. Unfortunately my mother died of emphasemia (sp) and I watched her waste away for about 5 years.. The final year it was almost a bi-monthly trip to the hospital to be asked the fateful question of what are her wishes (do we continue treatment or not).. My mother had asked that she have a DNR on her file and when she was sent to another hospital via ambulance they put her on life support (then I was asked the question: of how long is too long in her mind, which was a subject that was never really discussed). Though I did know that she did not want to be on extended life support.
What you will have to remember is all the fun times that you and she had.. even the times she was giving you heck in only the ways that she could, and so forth..
My thoughts will be with you.. Take care, my extended friend.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:54 pm
Rob, I am reading this post, then saw the pic and have tears in my eyes.
God bless you and your family.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
I’m so sorry to hear, Robert. My thoughts are with you and your family. May all the happy memories help to sustain you during this difficult time. Losing a parent is tough thing; my father past away eight years ago. I just wish I could have been there. Cherish every moment.
May 10th, 2006 at 7:56 pm
Robert,
My thoughts are with you during these difficult times. I imagine how very proud of you she must be. Take care.
May 10th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
Robert, you and yours are in my prayers.
May 10th, 2006 at 8:08 pm
Robert you and your family have my best wishes during this time. I watched my mother die far too soon from ALS. I’m still upset that I didn’t make the most of her last lucid moments but I did put it in perspective given some time. As hard as things seem now, your life will get better. My suggestion would be to take things day by day and try and support the other members of your family as hopefully they can do with you. Take care.
May 10th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
Robert:
I’m glad you blogged about this experience. It helps us realize the things that are really important besides all the techie stuff.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Bill K.
May 10th, 2006 at 8:15 pm
You have my deepest sympathies Robert and despite not being a religious person myself will say a prayer for she, you and your family.
May 10th, 2006 at 8:17 pm
Your post strikes a chord with me. I will not burden you with the many reasons, but I can say with certainty that I can empathize.
Much though I wish I could share words that would comfort you, I know there is little, if anything, I can add. Just know that, as comforting as it is to your mother, it is more so a privilege to you to be present during her final hours, when she needs you. May God bless her, and you, and your whole family, and may he bring each of you comfort.
May 10th, 2006 at 8:21 pm
Robert, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.
Doug
May 10th, 2006 at 8:29 pm
Robert,
Two years and one day ago my wife and lost a child. A good friend of mine stood by my side and told me, “The journey of every soul is meant to be a celebration. No matter how long, or how short the journey, celebrate it in love.” That took me through some very dark times.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
With loving intent.
James
May 10th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
Robert
I told my mother that I loved her and so did God.
She died the next day, calmly. The cancer which hounded her for 20 years finally took her from us. My brothers were also with her in her final hours. We have lost a mother and the very source of our lives.
Best to you and your family.
James
May 10th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
Robert: My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
Do try to take some time to remember the good memories of the past, realize the blessings of the present, and see the promise of the future. Take good care.
May 10th, 2006 at 8:31 pm
Courage!
May 10th, 2006 at 8:36 pm
I was hoping from your previous post that you’d hear some better news. At least you and your family have a chance to say your goodbyes to her. Take care, and always remember the woman that was, not the woman in the hospital bed.
May 10th, 2006 at 8:40 pm
Robert,
My thoughts are with you, your family, and your mom.
We’ll all pull through this together. Keep writing your informative, powerful, and emotional blog.
You’re doing all the right things.
May 10th, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Robert,
I’m truly sorry. God Bless.
Kaushik
May 10th, 2006 at 8:51 pm
Sorry to hear that Robert - I wish you all the best, and hope you and your family have all the strength you need to get through it.
May 10th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
Our thoughts are with you and your family, Mr. Scoble.
May 10th, 2006 at 9:18 pm
Robert: You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Having just had a heart-related scare with my mom, I have a glimmer of some of the emotions you’re wrestling with. Be strong - give each other lots of hugs - and know that there are many, many people thinking of you in this difficult time.
May 10th, 2006 at 9:25 pm
Robert, we are praying for you and your Mom.
May a miracle happen to you.
All the best regards.
May 10th, 2006 at 9:28 pm
This is one of those times when all the words of sympathy and condolence seem so empty. Yet, that is really all that those of us on the outside can offer.
At least your mom knows her family is present for her final days. That’s a comfort I don’t think I’ll have.
Anyway, it sounds like her life made a difference, and that’s all any of us can really hope for.
May 10th, 2006 at 9:28 pm
I will remember her in my prayer tomorrow morning.
May 10th, 2006 at 9:31 pm
I know it is tough to look at the bright side - but you are getting to spend a little time with her. Good luck…
May 10th, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Robert,
You have the support of all of us in these tough times. I’m glad you chose to share this personal struggle with the community who reads your site. I’m just sorry that things turned out so catastrophic. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
May 10th, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Robert, i know how you are feeling i lost my mother 4 weeks ago, she died of cancer. But i managed to be by her side when she finally went to sleep, and am sure that she understood and appreciated her family by her side at that time, even though she couldn’t tell us.
Here is something for you and your family, it was said at my mothers funeral (sorry it is a little long, but it may help you at this time, like it helped me.)
Go gently dear Mum. Go gently to a rest beyond words. And may something of your new joy translate itself in time in our regard. We wait in eager longing and with one ray of hope. And that ray shines out - hope. It brightens our darkness and guarantees our belonging with you always. That ray speaks to us in your name now and tells us how cherished we are by you forever. In your name it whispers:
‘Cherish everything of my care for you. Cherish my parenting of you, with all its fondest moments; its intimacy; its closeness. cherish these and hand them on so that I might parent my children’s children. Love is eternal and I’m here to welcome you to your eternal home. And so I say to you, my forever children, we will meet again on God’s mountain top in an embrace that will last forever. For together we belong and together we belong and together we will be in the home of heaven. For this day brings for me, and for you, a new kind of belonging.’
May 10th, 2006 at 9:34 pm
Just take it one day at a time Scoble. You’ll find some strenth that perhaps you never knew you had.
Think of it as a time to catch up with the family that you still have and look forward to spending time with them in the future. I hope the news about your mom gets better.
Hang in there.
May 10th, 2006 at 9:36 pm
Our Thoughts Go Out
It sounds like May could be as bad for some folks as February was for others. You’re in our thoughts: • Scoble’s mother is in the hospital: Bad news gets worse, and it’s time to say goodbye. • Lynn Siprelle…
May 10th, 2006 at 9:37 pm
Naked Conversations about Family and Mortality
I’ve only met blogger Robert Scoble once, but my heart ached a bit as I read his account of rushing back to Montana to get to the bedside of his mother, who suffered a stroke. The news today was worse, as doctors explained how much damage was done. My…
May 10th, 2006 at 9:37 pm
I’m so sorry Robert. Stay with her if you can, and remember what she’s meant to you. This time is so hard, but you honor what she’s meant to you just by being there with her.
May 10th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
I sent a note to my parents after reading this to tell them that I love them. Life sucks sometimes. Hang in there.
May 10th, 2006 at 9:44 pm
wow.
I love you dude
….this really suck I only wish I had seen her more
….
Say hi to Alex and Ben for me.
peace
May 10th, 2006 at 10:11 pm
Robert, I’ve known you since the devx.offramp days. I’ve never spoken with you, or met you, but I’ve followed you all these years. It’s been great watching your life unfold. Thanks so much for sharing. I’m terribly sorry about your Mother. I wish I could say more. Is there ever a time when life doesn’t kick our ass? Hang in there.
May 10th, 2006 at 10:11 pm
Hey, Robert — Our thoughts are with you and your family. Echoing others, your Mom must be filled with joy that she has such a loving son as you. Take care.
May 10th, 2006 at 10:13 pm
Sorry to hear that. I’ve been there myself and its hard and you’re never ready.
May 10th, 2006 at 10:15 pm
Robert, I’m terribly sorry to hear this. I can relate to you, albeit at a lesser level, due to some recent illnesses in my family. Do not give up just yet - I’m pretty sure your mom’s feeling your love and caring and trying to fight back. I’m not particulary religious, but I’ll be praying.
May 10th, 2006 at 10:22 pm
Robert, I just went through this two weeks ago with my Mom, and you’re right — it sucks. And it sucks differently for you than it did for me.
Hold your Mom’s hand and tell her you love her. Then repeat.
And take care of yourself, too.
– David
May 10th, 2006 at 10:22 pm
Robert,
I’m really sorry. Experiences like these make us sit up and re-evaluate our perspectives and priorities in life.
Wish you and your family all the strength and courage to go through this.
May 10th, 2006 at 10:23 pm
Robert,
my father had a pretty bad stroke 6 years ago. For 3 weeks he did not move, did not open his eyes, did not recognize anybody. The doctors informed us that he would stay in a vegetative state, and possibly die within a few weeks.
Turns out they were wrong. My father recovered. He is still alive. He can’t move his right arm and foot, but he can walk with a cane, he talks, and most importantly he understands us. Though he’s not the same he used to be, he enjoys his grandchildren, including two that were not even born when he got ill. They made him laugh more than once.
The point is, don’t despair, and don’t give up yet. Your mother could recover, and she’d need all the love you can give her. Or maybe not. God only knows.
My prayers are with you and your family.
May 10th, 2006 at 10:25 pm
Just the number of Comments you have received here says a great deal about how most people feel about you, Robert. We are all trying to squeeze your hand as best we can. I wish there was something more we could do.
May 10th, 2006 at 10:30 pm
Hi Robert:
Know you’ve gone through a lot over the years: your strength will pull you through this, and give you the foundation to find peace here and celebrate her live and your relationship, in all directions it has gone. Take care and our thoughts are with you during this time.
Matt
May 10th, 2006 at 10:37 pm
Robert,
You will be in my prayers. I hope for the best for you, your mother, and your family as you make such a shocking and difficult transition. As others have said, you will always have her, but loss is about relocating that person. I am so sorry.
May 10th, 2006 at 10:40 pm
Our thoughts are with you and yours.
May 10th, 2006 at 10:43 pm
Thoughts and prayers.
Michael.
May 10th, 2006 at 11:11 pm
Robert, so sorry to hear this. My family’s thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
May 10th, 2006 at 11:17 pm
I was just telling Babette about your mom and went to your blog to check on the latest developments. Needless to say that we are very sad for you and your family.
B & J.
May 10th, 2006 at 11:23 pm
everything will get better. my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. the best und helpfull wishes from abroad - Austria.
May 10th, 2006 at 11:46 pm
No particularly wise words, but my thoughts are with you, Robert.
May 10th, 2006 at 11:47 pm
I came to this blog for the first time. But I admire that you have written so honestly about one of the most painful times of your life. That takes courage..
Thoughts n Prayers..
g@u
May 10th, 2006 at 11:50 pm
[...] I just wanted to send a pray out to Robert Scoble and his entire family in this time of sorrow. To me these words sing true at times like this. [...]
May 10th, 2006 at 11:51 pm
I’m sorry to hear it’s come to this Robert, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, best of wishes to the whole family.
-Darren
May 10th, 2006 at 11:52 pm
My heart goes oout to you and your family Robert - I hope your last days with your Mum are the best they can be in the circumstances.
I also admire you for blogging about this - having blogged about very personal stuff in my time, I feel it helps - it’s a type of therapy.
May 10th, 2006 at 11:56 pm
Robert, my family’s prayers are with you and yours.
V & L
May 10th, 2006 at 11:58 pm
Tech is great, but comments like these are what blogging is really about.
May 11th, 2006 at 12:06 am
Robert, I faced a similar situation in my life on April 3rd, 2005. My mother all of a sudden started vomitting and complained of severe headache. When we rushed her to the hospital we were informed that she is suffering from Brain hemorrhage :( We all were in total shock.
My father was really having a hope that my mother would revive soon. When we enquired about the quality of life which she would get … if at all she survives … doctors didn’t give us any hope at all.
After discussing with my dad, my wife and my uncle I made a toughest decision in my life …. I informed the doctor to take her off the ventillator support :(
I really donno how to explain the pain i underwent and the tears which came from my moms eyes added more pain to me.
I am getting emotional on when I write about that day’s incident. huh I know the pain you would be undergoing as I have myself undergone it. Don’t try to hide your emotions … cry it out :(
May 11th, 2006 at 12:08 am
Robert, there is a great and loving God who understands your pain even when we don’t understand him or his ways. My family is praying for you. Lift up your heart.
May 11th, 2006 at 12:09 am
thoughts and prayers, robert.
May 11th, 2006 at 12:15 am
Hey Robert,
You’re a cool guy on channel9, and this is really sad news :(. Hope you stick in there, you’re really strong already, i hope things turn out alright.
- Winston
May 11th, 2006 at 12:16 am
She needs you now more then ever. She was there for you when you were young, now it’s your turn to be there. Holds her hands as much as you can do. Look at her, don’t try to cry. Just be with her.
Christian
May 11th, 2006 at 12:18 am
My thoughts to you and your family. Your Mom is in great hands there in Billings. My sister works in the hospital your Mom is staying in…
May 11th, 2006 at 12:47 am
Will, really? This is such a small world.
May 11th, 2006 at 12:47 am
Robert,
Just to let you known, our thoughts are with you this side of the pond too.
May 11th, 2006 at 12:47 am
Robert and Patrick,
I’m truly sorry.
May 11th, 2006 at 12:52 am
Robert,
So sorry to hear of your mother’s illness. Not being religious I can’t offer you a prayer, but you and your family will be in my thoughts over the next few days by way of silent support, and to keep me reminded of what’s really important in life.
May 11th, 2006 at 1:01 am
Robert, sorry to hear the news. Be strong…
May 11th, 2006 at 1:07 am
I feel for you and your whole family, Robert. My mother-in-law died last October following a major stroke in April. She lingered for six months requiring constant care and then had a final, catastrophic stroke.
Nothing prepares you for it and it is the most awful time for everyone.
You never, ever, get over something like this entirely. But time is also a healer.
May 11th, 2006 at 1:09 am
So sorry to hear your news, my thoughts are with you and your family.
May 11th, 2006 at 1:44 am
Oh Robert, so sorry to hear the bad news. All the best to you and your family.
May 11th, 2006 at 1:53 am
Hello there,
I just want to say that I am very sorry and sad to hear about your mothers stroke. I’m a Christian and that may not mean much to you right now but I want you to know that I will be praying for you and your family and that at this time that Jesus would send you peace.
Here to talk if ever you should need a cry for help.
David, from the UK
May 11th, 2006 at 2:02 am
Dear Robert,
So very sorry to hear about your Mother. I can’t imagine how you feel and so I presume to offer any advice, but thank-you for putting such difficult news here for us all to read.
God be with you.
-Christian
May 11th, 2006 at 2:39 am
I’m sorry to hear about what happened to your mom, Robert.
May 11th, 2006 at 3:04 am
Sorry to hear about your mom, my best wishes are with you.
May 11th, 2006 at 3:32 am
Hi Robert. I read your post this morning and I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t. My thoughts are with you mate.
May 11th, 2006 at 3:37 am
Robert sorry to hear about your mum, my thoughts are for you and your family.
Paschal
May 11th, 2006 at 3:41 am
How lucky she is to be surrounded by her family in her final days, to hear expressions of love from each of you and have the chance to squeeze your hands goodbye. She’ll pass away quietly, surrounded by the people who love her; a beautiful way to leave this world behind.
May 11th, 2006 at 3:53 am
My heart goes out to you and your family. I’m so very sorry.
May 11th, 2006 at 3:54 am
[...] I went to Bloglines for solace to see what is happening and I noticed in Gaping Void a particularly more serious cartoon I noted it was about something that has happened to Scobles another blogger that I have come across through his contributions. His mother has had a stoke and the out pouring of support for him is quite amazing, thought not suprising. [...]
May 11th, 2006 at 4:06 am
Thoughts and prayers with you and your family.
May 11th, 2006 at 4:08 am
Robert (and family),
there’s really nothing I can say which hasn’t been said already by other commenters and far more eloquently than I ever could.
My mother went through similar events several times (pulmonary embolism in 95, catastrophic brain haemorrhage in 97, stroke and heart attack in 2005).
I’ve sat beside that hospital bed holding that hand too. It is a horrible mix of helplessness and despair. You want your mother’s suffering to stop but you don’t want her to die. You want her back the way she was but you know you can’t turn back the clock.
Mortality is a bastard.
Thinking of you.
Tom.
May 11th, 2006 at 4:17 am
“..What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the Master calls a butterfly.”
Stay present Robert. You’re in my heart.
May 11th, 2006 at 5:09 am
My condolences. No one gets good at this, yet we all take our turn. I lost my Dad in 2002 in a similar manner. At the end all there is is Love and peace.
May 11th, 2006 at 5:16 am
I can’t believe you used “suckiest”. If I mail you a thesaurus c/o Microsoft’s Seattle campus will it reach you?
I’m sorry about your mother.
May 11th, 2006 at 5:39 am
There is nothing right to say here except that my thoughts are with you and your family. As you said it’s good that she had clearly articulated her wants and desires in a situation like this and it is important for others to do so as well.
I’m very sorry to hear this news.
May 11th, 2006 at 5:59 am
I’m very sorry to hear the latest news. I’ll be remembering your mother and your family in my prayers and dedications in the coming weeks.
May 11th, 2006 at 6:13 am
Robert,
I lost my dad over 30 years ago, and it still hurts. Please know that there are many others who will be remembering you and your family as you go through this very difficult time.
Doug
May 11th, 2006 at 6:24 am
brings back memories when my father is in the ICU. it is always hard to decide about giving mercy to loved ones. i understand this is really a tough time for you.
be well. God bless.
May 11th, 2006 at 7:12 am
This is a very difficult thing to go through. I just lost my mom in December. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in late October and was in & out of the hospital since then. Finally the doctor suggested putting her in hospice care & a few days later she died. The last two days she never woke up, but I sat there and talked to her.
May 11th, 2006 at 7:16 am
My thoughts are with you. Take time to say “Thank you” and tell her how much you love her. Always hard for the mothers to go….
May 11th, 2006 at 7:28 am
Dan, the words I was really thinking of using aren’t used in polite company. Suckiest works. :-)
May 11th, 2006 at 7:38 am
Sorry to hear the bad news. I wish I could be as eloquent as some of the other writers here, unfortunately, I am just a geek. I wish you and your mother peace.
May 11th, 2006 at 8:03 am
[...] Does he stop blogging at a time like this? Nope. Why am I saying this all on my blog? Cause it’s interesting how family members and friends use my blog to learn about what’s going on in my life and also to help. I got a phone call and email from friends of my mom’s who found me through search engines. (Yet another reason I leave my cell phone and email address on my blog). [...]
May 11th, 2006 at 8:16 am
if it helps, be comforted by the fact that she didn’t suffer (much) to get to this point, that is a big blessing
though is hard, but it was a short path, she’s going to a better place now
May 11th, 2006 at 8:20 am
Deepest condolence Robert.
May 11th, 2006 at 8:50 am
Don’t ever let the doctors tell you that there isn’t any functionality left. There is that tiny spark within her that made her who she was all through her life: when she was held as a baby for the first time by loving parents; when she scraped her knee running home from school; out on her first date; graduation; marriage and giving birth to you. All those steps that brought her to this moment with all her memories of your family and your memories of her. I lost my dad to aggresive pancreatic cancer in 2002 and know that helpless feeling. Just be with her and love her during her remaining days.
May 11th, 2006 at 8:51 am
Hi Robert,
It is at times like this that we grow as persons through our grief. A while back you talked about surrounding you with happy people. Right now it may be hard for you to think that is possible. But try to think about all the happy times you have spent with your mother and your family. Remember those good times, talk to your mother about them and tell her how much you appreciated those times. In other words, surround yourself with happy memories.
Remember that someone passing away is always hurtful for those who remain, but that the good thing is that the person is no longer suffering. We always wish they could stay with us for a longer time, but instead of focusing on how much we miss them, focus on the good things they gave us.
It certainly is good to see the big number of your readers who are sending you good thoughts in these difficult times. It tells you that these readers not only like your writing, but they also feel your suffering.
Stay brave, cry plenty and try to focus on happy thoughts!!!
Our thoughts are with you and your family.
Our deepest condolences.
May 11th, 2006 at 9:04 am
I met you at your book party in Medina and respect your courage to tell the truth even when it is difficult to do. My heart remembers the pain of losing my mother and also the strong and tangible sense of her transition into a permanent peace when she died with my hand on her chest.I was certain that there is a part of us that survives the death of the body after experiencing passing. Her breathing had become very faint and just as a nurse entered the room and distracted my father, she passed. It was painful to say the words ” Dad, she has stopped breathing’ and so touching to see his love as he kissed her for the last time.
Namaste, John Vajra
May 11th, 2006 at 9:56 am
My prayers go out to you and your family… my brother in law just lost his mother w/ a similar situation.
Regards,
JR
May 11th, 2006 at 10:08 am
I’d like to add my deepest condolences as well.
I know how hard it is, as you said, to not override your mom’s wishes as well as strugle with the question of just how right are the doctor’s assesments. Take time for reflection, prayer, or meditation and in your gut you will find a peace that will soothe the pain.
I have lost several near and dear friends and relatives in my life, and I have found that finding that peace is a critical part of mourning the loss.
I have been through this sort of situation, fortunatly for me it was in my youth with a cousin a year or so older than myself with a critical head wound. I have to agree that having it known what your wishes are critical for your loved ones. I just cannot stress enough how important this is.
Scoble dude, my heart is out to you and your family.
Peace.
May 11th, 2006 at 10:39 am
You and your family are in my humble prayers.
May 11th, 2006 at 11:25 am
Robert,
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Marcus
May 11th, 2006 at 11:51 am
Hang in there Robert. Make sure you tell your family you love them.
- adam
May 11th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Hi Robert,
It’s good that your mom is at least conscious of your presence and your love for her. Saying goodbye is incredibly difficult, but hopefully the fact that you are with her makes the process easier for your mother.
You’re in my prayers.
-Teresa
May 11th, 2006 at 12:14 pm
[...] What really matters at the end of your day? [...]
May 11th, 2006 at 12:20 pm
All my prayers and thought are with you and with your family.
May 11th, 2006 at 12:21 pm
My condolences to you and your family, Robert. I lost my dad about a decade ago, in circumstances that were a bit different but in many ways much the same. It’s hard.
May 11th, 2006 at 1:09 pm
Hey Robert.
Went through a similar situation with my grandfather a few years back. He went into the hospital with a minor heart attack, which was subsequently complicated by pneumonia. He stabilized for a few weeks, and things even started to look better. I went in and saw him while he slept one evening, told him I loved him, told him I wish we were closer but I remember everything he did for me when I was a kid, told him that he’s a gift to me and I’m sorry if I took his 95 years of life on this planet for granted.
I went to Telluride two days after the doctors proclaimed he was getting “much better.” On my second day there, I got a call from my wife with the news that he had passed away the previous night. The last time I saw my grandfather alive was when I whispered to him in a dark, quiet room, tears running down my cheek.
I cried all day on and off on the slopes. I made the decision right there to not only mourn his loss, but also celebrate his life. A man of 95 is a veritable time traveler, and such a life should be celebrated.
Celebrate your mom’s life, but don’t forget to feel. Be there, live in the present, feel what’s happening. It might hurt, and it’s not easy, but in the end you will feel better about it and closer to your mom, both now and in the future.
Best wishes and stay strong. For your mom, be happy. It’s what she wants.
– Jeff Ventura
May 11th, 2006 at 1:19 pm
Robert,
I’m really sorry to hear about your mom. Iknow how tough it is to cope with the loss of a loved one. Just hang in there.
May 11th, 2006 at 1:25 pm
Looking for Scoble…
La semana pasada estuve en Redmond, en el campus de Microsoft, asistiendo a una reunion en la que los responsables mundiales de MSN Search nos reuníamos con el equipo de producto para que nos contasen las últimas novedades y discutir acerca de los pr…
May 11th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
Robert,
Can’t imagine what you’re going through. My prayers for your and your family.
May 11th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
Robert
Peace and love to you and yours.
Be with your mum and cherish the time you have left.
When you look back on this time you will be glad that you were able to be with her.
Thoughts and prayers stillwith you and all of your family.
May 11th, 2006 at 2:19 pm
[...] One of the most preeminent bloggers Robert Scoble from Microsoft is pouring his heart out to his readership as he and his family cope with his mother’s stroke. I”m amazed that he can share this so publically, but having gone through similar things like this myself I’m sure it helps him. [...]
May 11th, 2006 at 3:49 pm
Robert, I hope you find comfort in the thousands of people thinking of you and your mom at this most difficult time.
Your mom was one smart cookie, thinking through her beliefs, sharing with everyone her wishes, and signing the paperwork (DNR order) to lessen the burden on her family.
The group “Aging with Dignity” developed “5 Wishes(tm)”, which I bought for everyone in my family. Here’s a brief description from their web site:
The Five Wishes document helps you express how you want to be treated if you are seriously ill and unable to speak for yourself. It is unique among all other living will and health agent forms because it looks to all of a person’s needs: medical, personal, emotional and spiritual.
It provides thought-provoking guidance, along with a form to fill out that’s widely (but not universally) accepted across the US.
As you’ve experienced, the time and thought that goes into these preparations is a welcome simplification later, in an incredibly complex, stressful and confusing time.
My thoughts are with you.
May 11th, 2006 at 4:02 pm
Our prayers are with you and your family Robert…
May 11th, 2006 at 4:04 pm
Your post really affected me. I can’t say a blog has ever made me cry before. Amazing the connection one can feel through this kind of medium. Best to you and other commenters have said it best - feel everything, don’t worry about being strong, and remember you are doing everything you can be expected to do. You’re lucky and so is she that she is surrounded by her loving family.
May 11th, 2006 at 4:50 pm
Going through a rough time myself with my dear son Samuel who is only 10 months old. There are no right words for moments like these other than to realize that love survives us all.
John
May 11th, 2006 at 5:24 pm
Thinking of you… make sure to take care of yourself during this time, as well.
May 11th, 2006 at 5:58 pm
What does anyone say. At least you won’t have to make any difficult decisions. And thank you for being so transparent and confiding in your readers.
Please take care of yourself.
May 11th, 2006 at 6:31 pm
Robert,
Our thoughts are with you and your family in this very sad time.
Take care.
May 11th, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Robert, a terrible thing to have to go with, I am glad to here that your immediate family is there with you. Keep them close, hold them tight and remember your Mom as she was and not how she is. Stick together and help your Mom make this transition.
We wish you well as you go through this.
May 11th, 2006 at 8:01 pm
Robert, thinking of you and your family here in NYC.
Sincerely,
(Long time reader)
Solo
May 11th, 2006 at 10:18 pm
That’s really awful. My thoughts are with you.
May 11th, 2006 at 11:26 pm
Robert, I can’t imagine what you’re going through at this time since both of my parents are still with me, but you’re in my thoughts and prayes.
May 11th, 2006 at 11:36 pm
Robert
Thinking of you and your family here in London, UK.
Look after yourself