Bawling over bowling

We were trying to be tough. I walked to the hotel from the hospital. What was in my hand? My SmartPhone. I was reading your comments. I read a few, probably 20 or 30, and started crying, so I called my son, and that didn't help much.

Met up with my brothers for dinner. That was OK. We told each other stories and argued about politics. Then we decided to go bowling. My brother Alex likes to bowl for some reason. Sounded better than going to the hotel room or to my mom's room.

It was fun enough, but then I started looking at my phone again and reading your comments and started crying. We met some great people who helped raise our spirts a bunch (you can see their photos here, I didn't get their names, but seeing them have a good time helped a lot).

Thanks so much everyone for the support. You have no idea how much it means to me just to know other people are out there thinking about this situation.

Makes me realize that everyone should have this kind of support when they go through tough situations. And, reading my comments, I realize that everyone will probably have to go through something similar sometime in their life.

When I was walking out the doctors apologized. You know, those people are really special. Dealing with the worst times of a family's life is not easy. To every doctor out there, my hat is off to you tonight. Thanks for being there and thanks for doing your best. It is appreciated.

One last thing before I go to sleep. I have the best coworkers in the world. I've been getting kind notes and phone calls all day. Those will never be forgotten.

Are we in a global village? Yes. Tonight I met some people who live in a small town in Montana. I feel like I live in a small villiage in the world. There's even a thread on Channel 9 about this.

OK, I'm crying again. Gotta go. I can't wait until Maryam gets here (she's flying in on Friday).

By the way, while I'm thinking of it, might as well write down my wishes. If I have a chance to look at a screen and comprehend what it says, keep me alive. Otherwise please don't perform heroic measures to keep me alive.

I'd rather be kept alive only if there's some chance of a decent quality of life.

How about you? What would you like your family to do? Why don't you write it down and tell them? Tonight.

Staring at my mom's respirator makes me realize that every breath is precious. What would you do differently if you had only 1,000 breaths to take?

Regarding my mom, I spent a lot of time with her and told her we're taking her home.

She squeezed my hand when I told her that. She doesn't comprehend much, but I really hope she can get home again to see her house. It's a stunningly beautiful house in Emigrant, MT. She had it custom built. I wish I could take you all there, it's on some of the most beautiful land that exists on this earth.

Go and hug your family. It sounds so stupid to say that usually, but then you go through something like this and you realize that that's about all you have.

Thanks also to my boss for calling and reminding me, once again, to get off of the computer. The thing is, the computer is a calming influence and keeps you up to date with everyone else. Just now an email message came in from her sister, who lives in Germany. I'm very glad I have my cell phones and my Verizon card. They are my lifelines at this point.

Anyway, I can't wait until I get back to talking about normal stuff like how Windows Vista is going, or what Office Live's feature set will be. Calling relatives and/or friends of my mom and telling them that bad news isn't fun.

That reminds me, make sure your family members know who to call in case of an emergency like this. My mom seemed healthy until she checked herself into a hospital. Even then she seemed like everything was OK.

It's time to have the talk with your family members. It's morbid, I know, but it is important. We don't get to choose how to exit this world, but we can prepare our loved ones for the choices they'll have to make.

OK, I'm crying again. Time to try to get some sleep. It's gonna be a long day tomorrow.

Thanks to everyone for putting up with this blogging. It's helpful to me and I get phone calls from people who are touched by it (and family members). If it bugs you, you might avoid my blog until next week.

In the meantime, we appreciate your kind thoughts. It does help us get through this a lot. I hope I can repay this debt someday. I hope everyone has this kind of support when they go through a tough situation like this.

235 thoughts on “Bawling over bowling

  1. She loves you and you love her. That’s what matters. Nothing will ever change this and you will never lose her.

    All the best.

  2. She loves you and you love her. That’s what matters. Nothing will ever change this and you will never lose her.

    All the best.

  3. Yes, it sucks. How to say goodbye: whatever she most liked you to do and enjoyed watching you doing or knowing you do, do that.

    My father taught all of his sons to play guitar and played with us. While he was making his way into the next world, three of us sat in the next room and played our guitars and all of the songs he loved for three hours. Five minutes after we stopped, so did he. It won’t not hurt. The depth of the hurt is equal to the depth of the love, but it will give you a memory that is better than tears.

    Later on, you will find that you can talk to her whenever you wish and hear her voice. Don’t debate the science of that; take it on faith. It is true.

    My deepest condolences.

    len

  4. Yes, it sucks. How to say goodbye: whatever she most liked you to do and enjoyed watching you doing or knowing you do, do that.

    My father taught all of his sons to play guitar and played with us. While he was making his way into the next world, three of us sat in the next room and played our guitars and all of the songs he loved for three hours. Five minutes after we stopped, so did he. It won’t not hurt. The depth of the hurt is equal to the depth of the love, but it will give you a memory that is better than tears.

    Later on, you will find that you can talk to her whenever you wish and hear her voice. Don’t debate the science of that; take it on faith. It is true.

    My deepest condolences.

    len

  5. Thank you for being human and courageous enough to take a break from regularly scheduled programming to share what’s going on for you. I think the human aspect of life gets lost so often, especially in the realm of big big business, and your choice to be authentic is an important model for us all.

    You question:
    “What would you do differently if you had only 1,000 breaths to take?”

    Is an outstanding coaching question… and my guess is that many of us would choose a different path for the next 1,000 breaths if we wrapped out minds around the fact that it could be our last 1,000 breaths. Who REALLY knows.

    Thoughts & prayers go out to you….

  6. Thank you for being human and courageous enough to take a break from regularly scheduled programming to share what’s going on for you. I think the human aspect of life gets lost so often, especially in the realm of big big business, and your choice to be authentic is an important model for us all.

    You question:
    “What would you do differently if you had only 1,000 breaths to take?”

    Is an outstanding coaching question… and my guess is that many of us would choose a different path for the next 1,000 breaths if we wrapped out minds around the fact that it could be our last 1,000 breaths. Who REALLY knows.

    Thoughts & prayers go out to you….

  7. Hi Robert,

    We don’t know each other very well, apart from a couple of emails. However, like so many others, I’m thinking of you.

    All the best,

    Matt

  8. Hi Robert,

    We don’t know each other very well, apart from a couple of emails. However, like so many others, I’m thinking of you.

    All the best,

    Matt

  9. Robert – I’d missed your blog for a few days, but read Maryam’s this morning and read her touching tribute to your mom. You are blessed with a wonderfully close family. That is nothing to take for granted and yes, tell them at any chance you get how much they mean to you. On your blog, on the phone, in person – however you can. No apologies ever necessary for that. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, Maryam and your whole family during this time.

  10. Robert – I’d missed your blog for a few days, but read Maryam’s this morning and read her touching tribute to your mom. You are blessed with a wonderfully close family. That is nothing to take for granted and yes, tell them at any chance you get how much they mean to you. On your blog, on the phone, in person – however you can. No apologies ever necessary for that. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, Maryam and your whole family during this time.

  11. Been there – horrific. The only consolation I can offer is ro say that it does get better – gradually and at the pace that’s right for you. All the very best to you and your family.

  12. Been there – horrific. The only consolation I can offer is ro say that it does get better – gradually and at the pace that’s right for you. All the very best to you and your family.

  13. We’re listening, Robert. Keep writing it down and letting it out. Thank you for sharing and reminding us of just what it is we have.
    Ken

  14. We’re listening, Robert. Keep writing it down and letting it out. Thank you for sharing and reminding us of just what it is we have.
    Ken

  15. Robert, I Went home still thinking about your mom in hospital since I also have some close friends & colleagues who recently lost their mom during the same long terrible pain (please excuse my English if anything seems akward, I’m French). Well, there’s not much thing you can do to help but as in many situation I always felt southing to listen to some music. So I thought that my way of saying I care would be to decide on a short thinking-about-loved-ones-when-they’re-in-pain kit. It’s here : http://www.mobjazz.com/2006/05/thinking-about-loved-ones-music-kit.html

  16. Robert, I Went home still thinking about your mom in hospital since I also have some close friends & colleagues who recently lost their mom during the same long terrible pain (please excuse my English if anything seems akward, I’m French). Well, there’s not much thing you can do to help but as in many situation I always felt southing to listen to some music. So I thought that my way of saying I care would be to decide on a short thinking-about-loved-ones-when-they’re-in-pain kit. It’s here : http://www.mobjazz.com/2006/05/thinking-about-loved-ones-music-kit.html

  17. “Go and hug your family. It sounds so stupid to say that usually”…

    No, it doesn’t. Everyone should do that every fscking day. Sometimes you can predict someone important to you leaving, but more often than not, they are gone before you know it. So tell them you love them every time you can because you never know if it will be the last time you get the chance…

  18. “Go and hug your family. It sounds so stupid to say that usually”…

    No, it doesn’t. Everyone should do that every fscking day. Sometimes you can predict someone important to you leaving, but more often than not, they are gone before you know it. So tell them you love them every time you can because you never know if it will be the last time you get the chance…

  19. Robert, if our thoughts and prayers are helping through these difficult times, know that there’s a lot of people around the globe who are wishing that the hurt is eased, are thinking of all of you and praying.

  20. Robert, if our thoughts and prayers are helping through these difficult times, know that there’s a lot of people around the globe who are wishing that the hurt is eased, are thinking of all of you and praying.

  21. Robert, I only just picked up on your situation through your comment on Sean Alexander’s blog, who as you know has had a bad time recently. My father went into a respite home last Monday after a serious decline in his Alzheimer’s condition. He has no short-term memory any more, and forgets I’ve been to see him 15 minutes after I’ve left. He is a big man in all the meanings of the word, and despite his mental deterioration, he is in peak physical condition for his 76 years on this earth.

    We must be strong for those others around us at times like these, and try to remember the good times. My thoughts are with you during these trying times.

    Rory.

  22. Robert, I only just picked up on your situation through your comment on Sean Alexander’s blog, who as you know has had a bad time recently. My father went into a respite home last Monday after a serious decline in his Alzheimer’s condition. He has no short-term memory any more, and forgets I’ve been to see him 15 minutes after I’ve left. He is a big man in all the meanings of the word, and despite his mental deterioration, he is in peak physical condition for his 76 years on this earth.

    We must be strong for those others around us at times like these, and try to remember the good times. My thoughts are with you during these trying times.

    Rory.

  23. Robert, just another well-wisher among many. I cried reading your blog tonight. Right now I’m in the opposite position – my mom is visiting from Australia and I’m enjoying her company while I can. Mother can be the most annoying people in our lives (sometimes) but it’s now time for me to enjoy her company while I can. Reading what you’re going through makes me realise just how precious the time I have with her is.

    Crying is good therapy, to be recommended.

    Philip

  24. Robert, just another well-wisher among many. I cried reading your blog tonight. Right now I’m in the opposite position – my mom is visiting from Australia and I’m enjoying her company while I can. Mother can be the most annoying people in our lives (sometimes) but it’s now time for me to enjoy her company while I can. Reading what you’re going through makes me realise just how precious the time I have with her is.

    Crying is good therapy, to be recommended.

    Philip

  25. Robert, I see this bad news only today. I’d like to send you all my support for this terrible moment, I can totally undertand your “feeling bad”.
    Please bring all your forces and energy to start your new days, and cry if you need… it’s human.
    My heart is with you.

  26. Robert, I see this bad news only today. I’d like to send you all my support for this terrible moment, I can totally undertand your “feeling bad”.
    Please bring all your forces and energy to start your new days, and cry if you need… it’s human.
    My heart is with you.

  27. Hi Robert,

    Sorry to hear about your Mom.

    Went through much the same with mine last winter, though much more quickly.

    Cry when you need to.

    Just remember to pull over, if you are driving.

    Be with friends or family as much as you can.

    You don’t need to be alone just now.

    Playing with kids and pets helps too.

    Remember to keep hydrated.

    cp

  28. Hi Robert,

    Sorry to hear about your Mom.

    Went through much the same with mine last winter, though much more quickly.

    Cry when you need to.

    Just remember to pull over, if you are driving.

    Be with friends or family as much as you can.

    You don’t need to be alone just now.

    Playing with kids and pets helps too.

    Remember to keep hydrated.

    cp

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