Daily Archives: May 12, 2006

The motherly instinct

Yesterday I spent much of the day holding my mom's hand. It's the one communication channel left with her.

At some point in the afternoon I started crying. She must have heard because she put her hand on my face and carressed it like all mothers do when their children are in pain.

She was trying to make me feel better. And she was communicating with me that it's all OK. That she's OK. That she isn't in pain, even as her body is laboring to make another breath. That it's time. That there is still a mom left inside her broken body that won't last her very much longer.

Well, I'm back offline to go visit my mom. We're taking her to Livingston (that's where she had her bookstore for the past few years). That'll let more people who care about her come and visit her (it's fun to hear about sides of my mom I didn't know about from the community who knew her).

Another decision I have to make today is whether or not to go to NY on Monday where I am scheduled to keynote the Syndicate conference. That's a tough one. My visceral reaction is not to go. Stay with mom. Attend to family affairs.

But, Mom's best friend, Alberta, is urging me to go. She said my mom bragged about me all the time and she says my mom, if she could speak, would be urging me to go. More motherly instinct. "Get on with your life," I remember her telling me when we had talked about stuff like this in the past. By the way, I hope I have a friend like Alberta when it's my time to go. She's been tireless and has been a great comfort to our family.

OK, it's time to get some joy back in this blog. Mothers' day is in a couple of days. Even a tough situation like being forced to say goodbye too soon has a lot of good sides too. And like one of my commenters' said, at least we're getting a chance to say goodbye. Many people don't have that chance.

What's your best memory of your mom?

PS, Maryam wrote her memories of my mom.