Geeks’ private hells

Sorry. I didn’t read all those comments…. Compared to what all those people had undergone, I’m in heaven. Just knowing about that makes me grateful… Sorry if I sounded insensitive…..

Well, I’m happy to report that I’ve got my health, now if I can just find full time employment, I can stop selling my bodily fluids and get back to work trying to improve the web and actually pay my bills… And so far, blogging has not helped me get a job, despite the fact I’ve been doing it since 1997…

Yes, I gave Robert the benefit of the doubt in his wording — but I used it as an opportunity to voice my love for my son in spite of his disorder — maybe even amplified by it.

My personal hell is uprooting our lives and coming here to the US (hubby was in MS back home and now he’s here), but it’s getting much better.

I’d come to the US only once before for our honeymoon in LA Oct of 2003.

While Seattle is very different from LA, and no matter how many times we exclaim, “Hey, that’s exactly what we saw on TV back home!”, nothing prepares you for things like loneliness, the worry of not belonging, the foreignness of people and places and systems and even things like groceries and driving. The culture shock can last months. It’s still affecting me, while my kids have already adapted, as though they’re born here, and my husband is too busy at his job to be affected by how far we are from anyone who really cares about us.

People in my country consider it very very lucky for us to even have made it this far. Truth is, I don’t feel very lucky. Good thing is, the challenges posed by this move has made me a better mom and wife, and a person as a whole. And this is what adversities in life do – they build character.

Your friends will never take for granted the relief of a simple meal and a good night’s sleep, or the response of a smile from their sick child ever again, just as I will never ever take for granted my parents, the people who love us back home, and the country we left behind, again.

For me, those are gift enough.

Jenn, too bad we didn’t know you earlier. Maryam has a movie and book club which are great fun, she tells me (she won’t let me attend). But, I can only imagine. My ex-boss moved to London and his wife had a tough time of it too.

Really great post. Made me take a moment to really count my blessings…
My private hell just started a week ago. My dad has just been diagnosed with really advanced cancer (not sure what kind it is yet, but the biopsy should come back tomorrow). It’s spread so far that we know the average time left is about a month or so. It’s really tough on my mom (not so much me, because im not that close to my dad). It really hurts to see her so upset about it. She’s worrying about everything and having to raise me (I’m 15) without anyone there with her..

My feeling is, everything happens for a reason; Either someone will learn from it or the situation will turn into something good in the long run…

Oh, and interview your dad about EVERYTHING. Family history, stories, etc. Get it on tape for your own kids that you might have some day.

Oh, and interview your dad about EVERYTHING. Family history, stories, etc. Get it on tape for your own kids that you might have some day.

I just read all these comments and appreciate my life as it is even more. Sometimes I get bummed out about things not going the way I’d like them to but overall I guess I have it pretty good.

I also can sympathize with everyone who has posted their private hell here. Everyone goes through tough times and no one wishes that on anyone else. I can’t help with illness, death in the family or relationship issues, but maybe I can be of help with jobs? I know many of you know the company I work for already, and may or may not have a good opinion of us based on your experiences with employers hiring through our site.

But – I’d still like to suggest an RSS feed of the jobs you’re looking for to keep up with new opportunities that could be right for you and better than the current job you’re looking to get out of.

I have been here for a while, but what I remember about my last job search was that it was all about scouting out opportunites as soon as they came available (online & offline) and staying as positive as possible. I hope I can be of some help with that.

http://rtq.careerbuilder.com/rss.asp

thanks

Robert, You never cease to amaze me. I feel really bad I didn’t circulate more and get to me some of those folks you mentioned. I’m better in small groups. These stories however are extremely touching. Nikki, wow for age 15, you seem to be very mature and strong as well. Very, very sorry you have to go through that at such an early age. At any age it is tough as Robert can attest. I lost a brother when I was 12 (he was 13) and it was difficult at the time. 37 years later, I just have happy thoughts now when I think about Dan, his smile & his happy personality. I also realize he is in no more pain and in a better place. It’s comments like what has been shared here that make me stop and feel appreciative for the health of myself and my family and also give me the desire to keep an eye out for the less unfortunate and lend a hand, whatever way I can. Thanks Robert for sharing what I’m sure most of us missed on Sunday.

My own private hell comes from a suicide and the fact that I can’t seem to take relationship chances anymore. The result is a life alone most of the time, which I am used to but it does get lonely from time to time. I can only put blame on myself, but honestly it’s hard to take chances that could possibly involve serious loss. It’s a self-protection mechanism, I am sure.

I was lucky that I heard from a great old friend today, after a few years of not being in touch. He was one of the people who was at my side after my son died. He told me today that his wife fell victim to Lou Gehrig’s disease in the intervening years and today she’s immobile and communicates with a laser pointer in her mounth and a letter board. It sounds very, very difficult.

In the worst of times I do what I can to help others. Mostly it seems like just being there is what matters most. Like when you throw a party and ask someone how they are, and then listen caringly even if it’s hard to hear. We do these things for others, regardless of whether the benefit is ever returned – because it’s important and it’s right.

Another thing people don’t always realize is that after the painful event has passed, especially when it involves the death of a loved one for example, those who still deal with the pain of the loss after most have moved on actually benfit from the gift of being asked about the loved one. I know I often wish I had more opportunity to talk about my son. But people seem to think that bringing it up or talking about it will make things worse. That’s not the case, though. Quite the opposite.

I recently started writing a blog post of my own called “Ask me about my son” to try to explain it – the need to talk, that is, even years later. I put it on the back burner and haven’t posted it because it’s so personal, but you’ve made me re-think that decision. I’ll have to mull that one over. His birthday is in a week and it’s been on my mind even more lately.

Anyhow, thanks for the place and opportunity to talk, Robert. You’re a good man.

greg

I should add that I am grateful for what I have today. I’m healthy and have a great job and friends in my life that are terrific people.

Life can be hard, but while it’s easy to focus on what hurts, it’s also important to take inventory of what we do have. I know that for my part, life is full of good things. It’s powerful what an attitude of gratitude (as they say) can do.

Sometimes I feel frustrated when things don’t run perfectly in my surroundings. Sometimes I start expecting from others that they should do their work perfectly although I know nobody is perfect in this world. Oftenly I remind myself that we should see good things in others rather bad things. And such kind of posts help me a lot to have positive attitude towards life…

Robert, I didn’t tell you about that to make you feel bad — I told you for the same reason that you blogged about your mom. Friends want to know, right? Besides, I figured you might already know, and would need an update.

And I have two cute daughters, thank you very much — it’s just that the younger one would rather play outside than geek out with Patrick over Second Life.

As someone above said, you earned what you have. So did I. I just wish I weren’t dragging my daughters down with me. But, because of another friend, we have a three-bedroom house to ourselves for a few months, instead of scraping by in a 2-bedroom apartment. And you gave me an opportunity to just forget about things for a couple of hours, which was really important at that point.

(BTW, I found the box that had my Firefly CDs in it — when are you leaving? )

s/CD/DVD

s/CD/DVD

I stumbled upon your blog today as I was checking out the front page of WordPress. I referenced it in my blog this morning. Hope that’s okay! Very insightful. Thank you!

http://www.reginarescuemission.org/blog/2006/07/poor-in-spirit.html

Garrett: let me know if I can help your family. You’ve been good friends to me. Thanks for sharing. You reminded me that not everything is hunky dory around me and to pay attention more to what really is going on.

Thank you for the reference Stephanie from AI list.

Great thought starter as I was sitting here this am thinking “oh poor me”—-then I read the comments and started to count smy blessings- (“count your many blessings name them one by one and it will surprise what the Lord has done”-from a hymn I used to sing).

So while I am in my own percieved hell- out of a job for the first time in over 35 yrs- worrying about what to do next, h2 pay the bills (house, medical, Rx ect). My self esteeem is / was way too tied up with my job- what I do.. and yet these are all external—-and now who am I.

You’re right–not such a ‘hell’. but everyones hell, is their hell and to each feels like a very bad place. Yet the reminders in this blog helped me for a minute to reflect on blessings, not feel so alone, AND feel like I have much more to be greatful for when I hear others’ “hell”(s). Thanks for the perspective. Great blog and a great opportunity to keep remembering what AI (appreicative inquiry)postulates- we cannot creatively solve today’s problems with the old gap analysis thinking–we must use positives-what we do, do well to help us create what we want. I hope I am listening to myself!
Thank you to all who shared.
Jack

Thank you for the reference Stephanie from AI list.

Great thought starter as I was sitting here this am thinking “oh poor me”—-then I read the comments and started to count smy blessings- (“count your many blessings name them one by one and it will surprise what the Lord has done”-from a hymn I used to sing).

So while I am in my own percieved hell- out of a job for the first time in over 35 yrs- worrying about what to do next, h2 pay the bills (house, medical, Rx ect). My self esteeem is / was way too tied up with my job- what I do.. and yet these are all external—-and now who am I.

You’re right–not such a ‘hell’. but everyones hell, is their hell and to each feels like a very bad place. Yet the reminders in this blog helped me for a minute to reflect on blessings, not feel so alone, AND feel like I have much more to be greatful for when I hear others’ “hell”(s). Thanks for the perspective. Great blog and a great opportunity to keep remembering what AI (appreicative inquiry)postulates- we cannot creatively solve today’s problems with the old gap analysis thinking–we must use positives-what we do, do well to help us create what we want. I hope I am listening to myself!
Thank you to all who shared.
Jack

Buon luogo, congratulazioni, il mio amico!