Bad news over email? Never! (And don’t negotiate over email either)

Seeing Amanda printing Andrew’s email on her blog took me back to when I had arguments, heard bad news, was told off, and/or negotiations via email. They never worked out.

The other day Guy Kawasaki put out a list of things to remember when laying people off.

I’d add another thing to that good list: NEVER deliver bad news through email or IM. Always do it face to face, or if you really can’t get to face-to-face then over the phone. Speaking of which, Guy hangs around the VCs so he has an early-warning system, is he sending us a message? Hmmm.

Maryam and I learned this too. We used to do a lot of IM’ing back and forth and I finally blocked her. Why? Cause every discussion turned into a full-blown war. Why? I think it’s cause text just doesn’t have the human touch. She can call me a butthead face-to-face and it usually ends well. Usually with me admitting “yeah, I’m a butthead but I still love you.” Then we cuddle on the couch for a while. But discussing things in IM just made me feel bad and it always seemed to escalate.

The problem with IM or email is you don’t get any of the warm fuzzies. You can’t see the damage your words are causing. And, something far more important: email and IM is permanent. I still have emails from bosses who told me off. I keep those around just to remind myself never to do that to someone else.

Oh, and they can be used against you on blogs and other places far more important (courtrooms, for one).

I remember when people were getting laid off during the .com bust in 2000/2003. We’d get together at Dana Street Coffee in Mountain View and compare notes. I always was amazed when people told me “I learned it through an email.” That just is so cowardly and inhuman. I hope I never hire a jerk like that.

It’s too late to save Amanda and Andrew’s relationship, though, but the first thing if I had known they were fighting was to fly them to somewhere nice and remote where they could go and steam somewhere calming. Hawaii. A beach in Florida. A house in Montana. Something like that. Then have them negotiate their differences face-to-face. If things get heated, have two people take them separately for a drive or a walk down opposite side of the beach. Then try again.

That kind of negotiation always works better than email or IM. It still might not work out, but at least you won’t see your words posted on various blogs.

What do you think, how would you negotiate something tough?